growing up...

i always thought growing up was just getting a job, working all of the time, paying the bills, doing your own laundry, cleaning up after yourself, waking up to the alarm, getting yourself ready, being independent and of course doing what you want whenever you want, right?! and eventually having a family and taking care of the husband and children. that's what being an adult is right?!

well i have enjoyed adulthood, for the most part, and have always looked forward to the husband and family part... and yes, i'm still looking forward to it, and know that someday it'll happen. i guess i just thought the whole finding a husband and getting married wouldn't be so hard. i mean the whole finding a guy part is taking me awhile and it's not fun being alone, but it's like i'd rather be feeling that frustration then the emptiness i'm feeling right now. i didn't realize that growing up not only comes with responsibilty but many complex emotions and experiences.

let me explain... i have been dating mr. daniel jones on and off for the past three years, and in the past few months i've felt more emotions than i ever thought possible. i'm already an emotional person, so let's throw love and heartache in the mix, right?! well, after getting back together in january and then breaking up in february, we haven't really been separated all that much. like we don't hang out or talk ALL of the time, but we do spend time together and like to show affection for each other every once in awhile ;) anyways, long story short, i got the answer and just feel that it's not right and that he's not my forever. now you'd think that with this feeling that i'd be able to move on, apparently that is a lot easier said then done. yes, daniel is just that amazing that it's been a struggle letting him go even though i know it will be ok if i do. (i hope this is making sense!)

i guess i always thought that when a man came into my life who is strong in the gospel, handsome, fun, smart, sweet, sincere, caring, adventurous, loving, handy, who communicates well and always knows what to say, gets along with everyone, who appreciates who i am, who calls me beautiful in my sweats and without any make-up on, who calls just to hear my voice, who sends me tulips and leaves me sweet notes, who loves volleyball as much as i do, who loves my family, who wants to know what i'm thinking and just spend time with me, who strives to be a worthy priesthood holder, who makes me want to be better, kisses my forehead and loves to cuddle, who tells me they love me and that they want to marry me... i thought that when i met a man with all of this amazingness that he would be the one, ya know. i thought there is only one man out there who could put up with me enough to ever treat me like that, but i'm hoping, praying, and trusting that i will be blessed with another "one" in my life.

it has definitely been an emotional roller coaster during this whole process with daniel, but after our talk last night i think we both are ready to move on. we know it's going to be difficult and weird, but it's time ya know, we're not progressing. i feel at peace with it most of the time, but i do miss him and have those doubts and wonder if i'll ever meet a man as incredible as daniel. he is truly one of a kind and has taught me so much about life, relationships, love, and has opened my eyes to so many things especially with myself. i will always love him and just hope and pray for the best for him.

long saga about crazy adulthood huh?! but yes, i guess it wouldn't be "growing" up without a little stretching and growing pains.

i hope this made sense! it's hard to put my feelings into words, so i apologize if its all jumbled and weird!

much loves...
adult lacee :)