"remember Lot's wife"...
the story of Lot was the theme of our sacrament meeting today. the basic story is that they were commanded to leave sodom and gomorrah due to the wickedness and destruction which was eminant, and the Lord counseled them to "look not behind thee". Lot's wife "looked back" and she turned into a pillar of salt. the question is why...
why did Lot's wife look back? maybe... she missed her home, or she longed for her married children that she left there, or she was unsure of the unknown and resented God for sending her away from her home. "her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. apparently she thought that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as those moments she was leaving behind." so maybe, she lacked faith.
why did the Lord counsel them not to look back? that's like why does the Lord counsel us to do anything? because... He wants to test our faith and see how committed we really are. He has a plan and something better in store for us if we can just let go of the past.
"we can't long to go back to 'yesterdays'. "the past is to be learned from but not lived in. faith is always pointed toward the future. faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."
"to yearn to go back to a world that cannont be lived in now; to be perennially dissatisfied with present circumstances and have only dismal views of the future; to miss the here-and-now-and-tomorrow because we are so trapped in the there-and-then-and-yesterday-- these are some of the sins, if we may call them that, of Lot's wife."
quotes from "remember Lot's wife" a talk given by Jeffrey R. Holland
why do we have this story and what can we learn from it? well, i know i've learned a lot from it. right now i feel like the epitome of Lot's wife. i'm walking in a direction and i have no clue where it is taking me. i constantly think how wonderful and carefree the "glory years" and college days were and i do sometimes long to be back there and not have to worry about where the future will lead me. i have received counsel and numberless blessings from the Lord, but struggle staying focused and motivated. so yes, i am lacking faith just like Lot's wife.
i'm scared to let go and fully give my will to God, even though i know that what He has in store for me will be better than i can even imagine. i am walking blindly, yet i know that the Lord's hand is always outstretched to me. there are times when i have a strong grasp on Him and i have enough light to see glimpses of what's ahead. and then there are those times of complete darkness that i either just sit in a stand still, unmotivated and flustered because i don't know where to go or what to do, or else i flail my arms in desperate search for something or someone to grasp onto, when in all actuality Christ is standing right there with his scarred hands outstretched waiting for me to take it. the real question is, when i find His hand, why do i ever let go?
so needless to say, i still don't know the exact direction of which i'm headed and i really don't know where i want to go. but instead of letting the unknown direct me in a path of frenzy, panic, and frustration, i am going to hold on tight to the Lord and truly give my will to Him. i guess if i don't even know what i want or where to go, i might as well let him lead me to where He wants me to go, no matter how long it takes.
fear and faith cannot coexist... please help me have faith!
*so that's me trying to explain the turmoil that i feel, so my apologies if it doesn't make sense!
february...
new week and a new month... thank goodness cause i need to recommit!
12:30pm-turkey salad w/balsamic vinegarette and wheat thins
1:00pm- cookie dough
5:00pm- cookies cookies cookies and crystal light
6:00pm- turkey lettuce wraps w/mustard, wheat thins
8:45pm- cinnamon life cereal w/milk
h20- 9 cups
highlight of the day...
i got to talk to my amazing sister and favorite niece on skype today. and precious mylee read me a story! it's incredible how fast kids grow up and how smart she is! it seriously made my day!
song of the week...
miley cyrus "when i look at you"
single digits... 9 days til the brother comes home!
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